How about some Tuesday TMI?

Disclaimer: The topic is birth control and periods and me.

I'm telling you right now, if you can't handle it, exit this page. I've mentioned that very little embarrasses me and I don't keep a lot of stuff to myself.

So for the first time in 16 years I am not on any form of birth control. I was put on birth control before I ever had sex because I used to have horribly wicked cramps. At least that's how I remember it. Mom?

Anyway, I was on the pill forever, then I tried Depo Provera (the shot) and that was a horrible experience. Then I went back to the pill for awhile but for some idiotic reason decided to give Depo a chance again. That was dumb and 10x worse than the first chance I gave it. Back to the pill...then...then I found love. I found the Mirena IUD.

It was amazing. Sure, it hurt like hell going in, and sure, I bled for a couple weeks after that, but then I lived a very blissful period-free 4+ years.

I...well...WE (I guess this is a good time to use "we" though, isn't it?) decided that now is a good time to sing a little Que Sera Sera and let whatever "be". So we aren't really "trying"...we just aren't avoiding, either.

You can only plan so much, and when is there ever the "right" time? There are bad times for it, and better times for it, but no "right" time, no instruction manual, and no amount of mental preparation is really enough...so what else can you do?

So here we are.

Also...today I found out how long it takes for your period to return after a 4+ year IUD induced absence.

8 days.

And those 14 year old girl cramps? Suddenly I remember them as though it were yesterday. Awesome!

What?!?! It's probably dirty anyway...

For a little over a year now, Corey and his brothers and I have spent many late nights laughing hysterically at an infomercial for a colon cleansing kit. If you've seen the one I'm talking about then you KNOW it's hilarious. Anyway, we've always joked about one of us taking one for the team and testing it out. A lot of time has gone by, infomercial unseen, no speak of 48 inch turds...

Until now.

Corey has ordered matching kits of Colonix (different, supposedly better brand than the infomercial...) and they came in the mail yesterday. The website has a lot of attractive claims of the benefits and what it is supposed to do for you coupled with a lot of graphic, unattractive photos of the crap (literally and figuratively) that you are getting rid of by doing a colon cleanse.

Let me tell you that I'm not excited about taking a 4 foot dump. But...if even 1 or 2 of the claims made by the "testimonials" on the website come true, I will be happy I did it. Don't worry though...I won't take pictures.

Plus...I think that a colon cleanse is what kick-started the energy and motivation to work out and eat better for my Aunt who lost 100 pounds over the span of a year last year. I'd like some energy and motivation. Have you read my other posts in the last year and half? Energy is one of the major things I lack. Chronic fatigue is something I fight with all day. Every day. Chronically...go figure.

And my aunt? She looks smokin' hot. I want to look smokin' hot. I can't do that without energy to work out or a desire to eat better. Maybe seeing 4 feet of toxic shit is motivation? I am willing to find out. There aren't many things I'm not willing to try at least once.

If it doesn't work, oh well. Corey paid for it!

If it does work, I will gladly wave goodbye to a few pounds and 30 years of shit build-up. I am thankful I won't have to see what comes out of Corey - aka. The Man Who Hates Vegetables. 31 years of meat and potatoes is going to be...well...I don't have a word for it. I can promise you it is likely to be an EXTREME form of NASTY.

So yeah. I won't talk about this every day, but don't be shocked if I mention it from time to time.

On that note, have a good weekend. We're going to Applebee's.

Happy crapping!