I officially live in Wisconsin

So does my car!

Since the DMV pretty much determines if you are a resident of a state or not, I finally made the voyage there today. It was the same lovely experience it is in every other state. Anyway, almost 2 hours and too much money later, I walked out with my shiny new Wisconsin plates and can expect my new driver's license in the mail in the next week or 2. Since I expected my picture to suck, I went ahead and knocked a pound (or 10) off of my weight. Is that wrong? :)

Oh! I almost forgot!

The dress I was in love with popped up on ebay again and I won it! Some yatch (or maybe 2) tried to keep outbidding me at the end, but it's mine...all mine :) Now hopefully it fits.

This is what it looks like:

http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2920433?tuid=000006cb-006f-0861-6c61-726765727669&id=7039304&largeImg=0&tname=product

Paranoia, Paranoia Everybody's Coming To Get Me

Corey and I haven't gone out alone together since...well...sometime before we moved to Wisconsin. For those of you keeping track, that was in June. Now, I know after you've had some kids or been married forever date night tends to become a rarely occurring thing of the past. Well damn it, we have no kids and we aren't married yet (I'd gladly wake up tomorrow married and pregnant if I could, just so ya know).

I had big ideas of heading somewhere fun downtown, but by the time I got home from work all I wanted to do was take a nap. Since I was tired, and Corey isn't a big "try-er of new things", we headed to Outback Steakhouse down the road in Fox Point. By the time I got there I wasn't tired anymore and decided it was time to drink. It's been so long since I've been there that I forgot how good their drinks are and how I could easily go there just to drink. I had a pomegranite-pear martini which was delicious, and with my dinner I had some kind of mango sangria concoction. I highly recommend either one. I also felt the need to treat myself to my favorite food on this earth - Lobster!

Melissa, if you're reading this - I miss our lobster outings :) Here is the picture I took with my phone and tried to send you...



After dinner we went over to the Borders bookstore that is across the parking lot. There was live music which was kind of cool. It looked kind of like old-folks night at the bookstore, but there's nothing wrong with that! I got myself a cafe americano (in honor of my dad) to wander around with (just like my dad always does), and headed towards the books. While Corey was off finding a bathroom, a very deep-voiced, goth-dressed black man in sunglasses (indoors...at night) got very curious about my necklace. He apparently needed to touch it. Our conversation went like this:

Him: "That is a very beautiful necklace." (you have to say this to yourself in the deepest, slowest, almost creepy voice possible)

Me: "Thank you"

Him: "May I see it?"

Me: "Ummmm...sure?"

Him: (reaches out and holds and RUBS my necklace) "Hmmm...yes, yes that is very nice. It must be... [pause] ...amber? Or...[pause]...perhaps...[pause]...tiger eye?"

Me: "Yeah...it's tiger's eye." (wondering if he is going to let go of my necklace)

Him: "Well it's a beautiful necklace. Thank you for showing it to me."

Me: "You're welcome."

Weird, no? Keep in mind he had me by a very short string around my neck, and I have issues with strangers getting into my "bubble". And I was slightly buzzed.

Anyway, as we were heading home to watch movies I had the sudden urge to hear the song Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger, so I called the radio station and they put it on for me. It's been stuck in my head ever since (hence the title of this blog - it's lyrics to the song). Yes, I am a radio-station caller. I do it all the time. Sometimes I even win stuff! Not since I moved here though.

We watched the Quentin Tarantino movie "Grindhouse." Whoaholyweirdnessandgore - but if it wasn't graphic it wouldn't be Tarantino. It was weird and full of random just like the rest of his movies, so I wasn't disappointed - but nothing will ever beat Pulp Fiction.

The rest of the night is none of your business ;)

Fall break? That never existed in my day.

The phrase "Fall Break" is something I dreamed about as a kid. Never ever in my life did I think it actually existed! Fall break is alive and well in the two places that affect me the most: The high school I work at, and the college I go to. As a graduate student I don't actually get a fall break, but the undergrad student athletic trainers that work with me at the high school do. They are getting almost a full week off from work. Guess who their favorite athletic trainer in the world is right now? Yep. Me!

I have the high school football team to thank for these days off. They lost their playoff game on Tuesday so now the season is over. That made me jump up and down and squeal with delight very sad for them - they are a great bunch of kids. Better luck next year!

Anyway.

I'm having the laziest, most awesome day off. I woke up at 11, and that was only because I wanted to watch the drama unfold on The Young and the Restless. I finally took a shower around 1, and then I put on my sweats, plopped my happy ass down in the papasan chair, and started getting caught up on my stories (Private Practice, CSI, Grey's Anatomy). The most action I've seen today was when I got up and did the dishes and wiped down the counter while Corey went grocery shopping and to pick up some good ol' fashioned Taco Bell. Mmm mmm mmm!

My friend Caron sent me a text message to let me know the Fresno State vs. Boise State game is on ESPN2 so that is what I'm doing now. I'm obviously still in the papasan. While I don't remotely miss Fresno, I miss Fresno State a little bit. It's a good school in a hot and shitty city. It's so funny to watch TV and see people I know in the frame at all times. The players, the coaches, and especially the athletic trainers. I miss the athletic trainers. Some were my bosses or teachers, some were my friends, some were both - and here they are on ESPN. I'm getting nostaglic. Over Fresno. Let's take a moment to define "nostalgia" for a moment, shall we?

Nostalgia: a longing for the past, often idealized.

Idealized. Exactly. I do this for the army too. Anyway....

I was on ESPN once. Wanna see? I was hauling ice bags. No, the dude was not pointing at me. He was motioning to the ROTC kids and the crazy student section. But there I was. Right on time. Some of the ROTC kids were looking at me because I was the one that kicked them out of the cart I needed to use to get that ice. TWICE. They gave me a lot of lip until I told them I knew more about the army than they ever would.



Here is another thing that made my day brighter. Some of you may or may not know anything regarding the interesting living situation Corey and I were in the last 6 months we spent in Fresno. Long story short: We lived in a house. With 2 other couples...4 dogs, and 5 cats (2 of the cats are ours). It was...interesting. I won't go into too much detail but we did learn a lot from it. For example...we are not the live with other people kind. Sometimes it was a great time, some days I wanted to choke people were not so easy. It was definitely the contribute to the deliquency of minors party house. We're not big partiers anymore. Or excessively sociable for that matter.

Anyway, I digress. A little bit ago I had a messaging conversation with Pat, who is a very good friend of ours and who I was stationed with at Ft. Lewis. He is working on becoming a corrections officer (which is awesome, btw). Because Pat is working towards becoming a corrections officer, the other couple that was there while we were is moving out. They are paying $180 per person to live in a house with no lease, no real landlord, and no pet rent or deposits.

So WHY are they moving out you ask? Well...let me tell you.

They are moving out because they CAN'T SMOKE POT there anymore. After all, it's Pat's fault for having a goal. Shame on him.

I wish them the best of luck in finding another living arrangement that sweet for them. :D

Awesome huh? Yeah, that's who we lived with. I will say that neither of them are bad people. They are nice kids. Maybe a little misguided. But still kids.

Open letter to my classmates

Dear Grad School Classmates,

Please start taking the suggestions made to you by Microsoft Word. Those little green and red squiggly lines that appear under your words actually mean something. Please try a little right-clicky-clicky and see what they have to say. There is a writing center on our campus, you could also use that. As an international student, they know that English isn’t your native language and that you might not know all of the rules of grammar, spelling, capitalization, punctuation, or insanely long incomprehensable sentences. They are there to help you. They want to help you. Paragraphs are your friend. I’ve never seen a four page long paragraph before. Please tell that other guy that he doesn’t need to start a new paragraph after every sentence.

We go by first names here…please stop saying “Hi Lastname.”

I know we don’t have the same educational background so I don’t know about the things you know about and vice-versa. I would love to understand what you are talking about but when the sentence doesn’t make any sense, I can’t possibly grasp the concept. Unfortunately a large chunk of my grade is dependent on my comments, insight, and discussion of what YOU have to say. That is where we really have a problem. Your crappy writing has potential to affect my grade. If you would take the time to get some of the free writing help available to you, we would all benefit - not just me. I know you have the time. In the orientation meeting they said you couldn’t work because you have a student visa, not a work visa. I know you’re on campus on a regular basis, because your visa requires you to constantly be enrolled in at least one face-to-face class or they will send you packing.

I really hope that I am not being held to a higher standard than you when it comes to writing and research. This entire grad school program is all about writing and research. We will be doing that for the next 2 years. We spent a solid month on how to do in-text citations, APA format and how to avoid plagiarism, yet you still write whatever the hell you want. We just spent another month discussing peer-reviewed journals and why it is important that we get our information from them - and yet you still get your information from Wikipedia. The instructor even said “Do not use Wikipedia. It is not peer-reviewed research.”

So I ask again: Please…above all…do NOT let me find out that you’re being held to a lower standard than I am because that would be just plain WRONG. I value my grades. I’m earning them.

Thanks in advance,

J.

Deja vous

It's October in southern California, the Santa Ana winds are crazy, and everything is on fire. Again.

My mom called me a little after 7:00 this morning to tell me that when she went to bed last night there were two fires, and this morning at 5 am pacific time, there are 9. NINE! The winds are blowing hard to the west and the fire is moving fast.

In October 2003, when I still lived in San Marcos there were a few large fires that resulted in several people I know getting evacuated from their homes, but luckily everyone I know was ok. Now it happening again, but this time the winds are worse and blowing towards even more heavily populated areas, including my mom and step-dad's house. The closest one to them earlier this morning was only 3 miles away. The think this one might make it to the ocean from interstate 15 - that is a long ways for a fire, and between the 15 and the ocean is where a ton of people live.

I don't know what to say. I'm worried about my family. I know from a few years ago that the air outside is almost impossible to breathe. I know my youngest sister is freaking out. I'm about to get ready to go to work while my family is making sure they have everything ready in case they need to take my sisters, the dog, the cats, the birds, and their most important belongings and make a run for it. To where though?

This is what makes it hard to move so far away from your family. The ability to do nothing to help them when something happens.

To read about it and see pictures click here or here .

Update: The only fire that has been contained is the one that was closest to them, so they aren't getting evacuated for now. There is still another one in Escondido about 5 miles from them, but they don't seem too worried about that one. I talked to my youngest sister on the phone and she, of course, is still petrified. Right now it is 90 degrees outside with 30 mph winds and gusts up to 50 mph. My mom said they can hardly see outside and absolutely can't breathe out there. At least they are safe for now.

Another Update 10/23: They are still safe and at home. Everything seems to be on fire around them, but nothing close enough to have them worried for now. It's still really smoky and ashy outside, so no one is going out there - except my step-dad of course, who still spent the day fishing.

One more update 10/25: Everyone is my family is fine and safe. It is still really smoky and disgusting outside. Last I heard Camp Pendleton is still on fire and was evacuated yesterday or early today. Camp Pendleton is far enough away from my family, but it is where most of my mom's clients are and she spends a lot of time there. A lot of people in San Diego have been able to return home, and I pray that most of them still have homes to go to.

Apples, art, wine, & football!

That title almost makes me sound sophisticated. It's not true.

I finally got my full weekend for the first time since sometime in August, so this weekend Corey and I headed to Madison (technically it's Monona, but anyway...) to get out of the house and go visit his family. We hadn't been there in over a month, so it was great to see everyone and to be able to just have two straight days of relaxation. Corey's grandma was also in town, and we hadn't seen her since Linda and Andre's wedding.

Some highlights of the weekend....

Saturday morning I went and got 7 inches of my hair cut off! I've been pondering it for awhile, so I finally got the guts to go do it. It turned out great and I love it. She didn't do as many layers at the front of my hair like in the picture I showed her, but that is because she advised me against making too much of a change at once. It made sense, so I went with it. Hindsight, I wish I would have told her to just go for it, but I will next time. Here is a picture, for those who haven't seen it already.



Earlier Saturday afternoon, Linda, Grandma, and I headed to Fitchburg to a pumpkin patch/apple orchard called Epelgaarden Farm (I think). It was really pretty out there, and I took a few pictures that I will attach to the bottom of this post. We went and wandered around the orchards, snagged a few apples off the trees (since no one was around) and at them. They were damn tasty. Before calling me an apple thief, you should know that Linda and Grandma did it first. Then we went and scoped out the pumpkin patch, which was picked pretty bare. What was left wasn't in the best shape, but all the pumpkins looked good from a distance. We left the farm with armloads of apples (paid for), 2 pumpkins, caramel dip, two jugs of cider, and 3 different kinds of jelly and went home and immediately started eating a little bit of everything. Now that I think about it, I feel like we ate all day every day all weekend long.

Later that night I headed to downtown Madison with Linda, Andre, Grandma, and the dogs to a small art show that featured some art by Andre's mom and brother. Andre is also an artist and is featured in an awesome article in the October issue of Brava magazine. If you want to check out some of his art (which is awesome, by the way) go check out www.livingmuseum.com. There was some pretty cool stuff at the show - the Ferrella's are a talented bunch. Even more interesting at the show were some of the people...one guy was up in another room doing drawings and knows Andre so we went up to say hi. This guy was a character that I couldn't even begin to describe. He reminded me a lot of Johnny Fever from the old tv show WKRP in Cincinatti. He also ripped a massive fart and exclaimed "Whooopsie!" Yeah.

Even later Saturday night, we all sat around and played Trivial Pursuit on the playstation 2, and I dipped into a couple of the many bottles of wine in the house. I almost drank too much of it - but not too much to lose at Trivia Pursuit! Or maybe it is that I drank enough to win TP...we may never know.

Sunday we obviously watched the Packers/Redskins game - some really blind refs in this one, but the cardiac Pack still won in the end. 5-1!!! Not too shabby! This victory over the Redskins was particularly sweet because Sunday morning I woke up to a text message from XH1 bragging about how "my boys" better be ready for an ass whoopin. Yeah, right.

(I guess I should mention here that XH1 and I are not exactly buddies or anything, but we don't hate each other either. It's a pretty neutral territory - hell...we got married (and divorced) really young and stupid. I'm over it, so is he. That said - my family can't stand him. At all. )

Anyway...Sunday morning I also colored my hair. Bad idea. I am smart enough to not use permanent haircolor or highlights on myself, but still too dumb to remember that anything with "golden" is not remotely flattering on me. Thank God it will be gone in 28-ish days. Hopefully by then I can get it done with the good stuff by a pro. If not, I will at least be smarter with my color choices.

Anyway, it's late, and I'm sleepy. I'm also frustrated as hell with grad school and my job, but that is another story for another day. Here are some pictures instead :)

You want me to what?

So I just got an email asking me to be a guest speaker in one of the undergrad classes at my school.

I have no idea what I’m supposed to talk about, why they want me, or anything else this entails.

I said yes. It’s on October 19th at 8:30 am.

I really only have decent knowledge on about 3 things:

1) the army

2) athletic training at Fresno State

3) sucking at life and making it out alive and well

This ought to be interesting.

8 years ago today

...I married the wrong man. Again.

I was young, I was dumb, and I was living army life - something most 20 year olds have not experienced. It's not an excuse, but it is a different world. I'm not dwelling, but I still remember it because it is a decent sized part of why/where I am today in life. For example: It was because of this particular marriage (and it's subsequent divorce) that I was anti-marriage for so long. Corey knew he wanted to marry me much earlier than July 2006 when we got engaged. I knew I wanted to be with him, but the marriage thing was scary and not something I planned to do ever again. It took me a while to get over that...rightfully so. I'd already done it and failed. Twice. But again, I was young and dumb, and like all young, dumb people, I thought I was different, that "we" were different, each time. Each time I proved that no, I/we were in fact not different.

Obviously, in your early twenties, you have a lot of learning about life left to do. Most importantly, it's a time you are busy finding out who YOU are, whether you realize it or not. While I am very embarrassed to tell people that I was married and divorced...twice...by age early-twenty-something, there are worse things I could have done. Honestly, I couldn't be more content with the way my life has turned out. Corey and I have been through a lot (together and apart), and came out on the good side of things that could have just as easily gone the other direction. I know who I am, he knows who he is, and we are more than ready for marriage and the ups and downs that we will inevitably face throughout the rest of our lives.

So this next part is slightly off the topic, but slightly not...

I take pictures. LOTS of pictures. I always have. When we first moved to Milwaukee, I went through my photo albums and removed most, if not all, of the pictures of XH2 (ex-husband 2). I don't want all these pictures of him (or he and I together) floating around, especially in the future when Corey and I have kids. I'm not going to hide my life mistakes from my children, but they also don't need to see a thousand pictures of the guy when/if they ever decide to look at mom's old photo albums.

Anyway, I've never had the ability to just throw pictures away. Those are someone's memories, not just mine, but someone else's, maybe even several "someone elses", depending on how many people were in the picture. I know for fact that XH2 doesn't have very many pictures of himself, or his army days, or his friends from his army days, because I was always the keeper/taker of the pictures. I kept most of the friends too, but that is a story for another time...or never. I also know he doesn't have any of our wedding pictures - not that he'd want them, but whatever.

So my question is this:

What would you do with the pictures? Would you suck it up and trash them? Would you mail them to XH2 so he could keep what he wanted and make a dartboard out of the rest? Any other suggestions? Keep in mind a lot of time has gone by, and I'm waaay over being bitter at the guy, but we aren't friends, either.

Fall is my favorite season. Now where the hell is it?

This is SO not a good start to my first fall in Wisconsin.

Sure, the colors are beautiful and when I look at trees (and take pictures of them like a weirdo) from my livingroom window or from inside the comfort of my air conditioned car, it looks like fall. Then I step outside and my dreams of a cold, crisp, breeze are shattered. Why oh why oh WHY has it been so freaking hot out?

For the couple of you who were into my tree pictures, here are the latest ones added to the "series":

9.10.20079.21.20079.28.2007
10.6.2007

See? Blogging is good for you.

I just read this article about stress in a link posted by Sarah, and I am going to try it. I really suck at the whole visualization thing, but I am willing to give it yet another try.

Fellow bloggers: we have a head start on number 4.

Here is the short version:

Dr. Gaudet's Stress Balance Prescription
Achieving a healthy balance of stress in your life begins with becoming conscious of your current state, learning how to intervene when stress is hitting you, and off-loading the stress you are unconsciously carrying with you.

1. Be a compassionate observer. Take a week to observe your life as an outsider might. Pay attention to how you use your multitasking skills -- consciously, or as a default mode? Answer the following questions in your journal each day: Did I awake feeling rested and relaxed, or frenzied and exhausted? Did I take time to unwind before I went to sleep, or was I still dealing with my concerns from the day? Did I wake up in the middle of the night with worries? For what percentage of the day was I fully present?

2. Practice stress maintenance. Take a mini mental vacation daily. Do a Paced Breathing exercise in the morning, at noon, before bedtime, and whenever you're stressed: Breathe in through your nose for a count of four; hold your breath for a count of seven; exhale through your mouth for a count of eight. Repeat four times.

3. Move. Your body holds stress and is physiologically revved up by it. To burn that adrenaline off in a healthy way, move your body daily (even just a walk around the block helps) and exercise more vigorously at least three times a week.

4. Let it all out. At least weekly, off-load in your journal or to a friend. The point is not to problem solve or get advice, but simply to "get it out." It's actually best to do this from the most shallow, disgruntled, pitiful part of yourself -- so give yourself permission to whine. Holding emotions inside, even if you are keeping them in check, affects your health. So vent, and have some fun doing it!

Text by Tracy Gaudet, M.D

[edit: I am not saying that bloggers are speaking from the most shallow, disgruntled, pitiful part of ourselves...somehow I think I skipped that sentence when I read this]

what a day.

It is currently 4:09 pm, central time. I've been in my windowless dungeon (the athletic training room) since 8:00 this morning for a swimming and diving invitational going on at this school. It is showing no sign of being over, which really sucks. BUT...

I have gotten a ridiculous amount of things done today. I'm even finding new things for myself to do.

Today I've cleaned the training room from top to bottom, cleaned out my supply closets, ate breakfast, washed some containers, worked out my morning-after-drinking stomach problems, given real replies to the responses of 15 of my grad school classmates questions/comments on my project, gotten a head start on the assignments for next week, balanced my checkbook, paid a bill, watched the entire espn gamecast online of the Wisconsin/Illinois game and provided updates to my friend Allen, taken care of some of the football players that are hurting from last night, ate lunch, taken care of the same swimmers ridiculous sprained wrist tape job 4 times, and last but not least...

I have made a detailed rough draft of the entire backyard wedding floorplan on Microsoft Paint. Complete with a color coded key, place settings, chairs, centerpieces, and even where the booze could probably go. This is insane.

YES! It is now 4:18 and this crap is over. I can go home and stop accomplishing ridiculous things!

[apparently the word of the day is "ridiculous"]

I wish I could talk about my days at work

But I can’t. It’s a medical profession.

I will say this though. Today a punk-ass jerk of a high school kid called me an ass after he walked out of my training room. His coach and I had a nice little chat with him out on the field today. Afterward he looked like someone squished his puppy.

I win.