What is on my mind T-8.5 hours from boob-mashing:

(Prepare for a little irrationality)

What if it's cancer and I have to have a mastectomy? Where do they put the boob? Will it be in a jar somewhere a la Grey's Anatomy coffee table kidney?

What if I have to have chemo? Will this affect me having kids later? Will I have to save some eggs in case? What if I have to have a kid now if I ever want to be able to have them? What if my shit doesn't work in the first place? Am I going to find that out soon too? Will we even have the capacity to make these kinds of decisions right now if we have to? Clearly the very little Oprah I watch is still way too much.

If it's nothing, will they take the lump out anyway? Because I want it gone. Will that leave a scar? It's ok if it does, I'm just curious.

Will it affect breastfeeding if I can ever have kids? Would I have even been able to breastfeed in the first place? Will I ever have the chance to find that out?

If it's removed, can I see it?

What if I can't work for awhile? What will happen to my job? What will my boss do? I don't get sick days or vacation or anything. There is no one else to work for me. How will I pay my bills during that time? Will I fall behind in grad school?

Am I a fucking breast-cancer ignorant douchebag?

blah blah blah.

:::insert incoherent Charlie Brown adult's voice here:::

If it's cancer...I'm SO kicking cancer's ass.

If it's not...well...then YAY!