Many thanks to YOU, Debban.

Thank you to Ms. Debban, physiology teacher at Fresno State. You are a cruel woman and your class was next to worthless...and yet for some reason you come to my mind at 3:30 am when I'm comparing my recent insomnia to a positive feedback cycle.

I'm extremely tired, it's late, so I lay down to go to sleep. I can't get comfortable. Something itches... a tag maybe? Something else itches, then something else. Then I toss. Then I turn. And then it really begins...I can't sleep, my jaw starts to clench because it's frustrating, which makes it harder to sleep, it clenches more, which is annoying, I try to relax it and wonder why I can't sleep, which makes me feel kind of panicky, which makes it more difficult to sleep, which makes me feel more panicky....blah blah blah....WTF IS THIS?

Insomnia, duh.

I've had it since we moved in here. That was almost a month ago.

Now - before I say anything else, let me point out that 2 months ago I was diagnosed with sleep apnea, so I sleep crappy and get sleepy throughout the day as it is. That problem can't get fixed until I get enrolled at the VA here - which I've attempted already and is taking them forever. Once THEY finally see me, I will have to have them look up all my records and basically start over with the sleep apnea thing so they can take care of it - most likely by tonsilectomy and doing a UPPP (UP3).

Now back to the insomnia.

I was obviously silly to think that both of us getting jobs today would take some stress and anxiety off...I felt like it did, but I guess there is a such thing as happy stress too. There are also those damn test results I'm still waiting for. I've had random problems falling asleep in the past - a day here, a day there. Not 25+ consecutive days. Ever. Not even close. I feel insane and was on the brink of tears 10 minutes ago in bed. I've gone to bed 4 times tonight and this might be the worst night yet

I'm really sincerely asking for help or suggestions from anyone who has one here. I'm trying everything that is available to me that I've ever heard of.

~Melatonin~ helps make me groggy all nights, helps me fall asleep faster about 1/3 of the time. Not enough.
~Warm Milk~ helped me when I was a kid, grosses me out now...in a makes-me-gag kind of way
~Progressive Relaxation~(start tensing the muscles in your toes and hold, then relax and work up your body) One of two things happens here...1) I get distracted and stop doing it without realizing, or 2) get all the way up and feel no change whatsoever
~Visualization~ I'm not a visualizer of peaceful things or gentle breezes or any of that other imaginary crap, however I love it in real life.
~soft music~nice to listen to, doesn't make me sleepy. Seriously...Enya didn't even work.
~Make a list of stuff on your mind before bed~nope.
~Chamomile Tea~I don't have any right now, but it's never worked in the past either. It tastes good, makes me feel too hot, and makes me have to pee.
~Don't drink caffiene/Don't drink it at night~ no, and no. I've tried this several times now.
~Don't watch TV in bed~ I don't.
~Do something relaxing before bed~I've had so much time on this freaking papasan chair with not much else to do. I've also been reading a book. A loooooong book.

So seriously...any other suggestions?

It's 4:30 am, and starting to get light out. Officially my worst night of insomnia.

Real quick~ Debban, I'm sure you're not reading this, but if you ever do...let the Kinesiology students go...they don't need you...you don't need them...and you really don't need them in your outrageous class 2-3 times each. Go tell the Kinesiology department that you don't want them anymore, because they sure as hell don't want you. Stop telling everyone your notes are different than they were last semester - that is a lie - they are word for word identical. Also, "Because I said so" is NOT an answer to a genuine question asked by a student. We all know you can't get fired, so maybe you should start teaching phys to undergrads as though they are undergrads, and not already doctors (except that positive/negative feedback thing - anyone can figure that out). Thanks in advance.